This week = disaster. Actually, last week too. To start off, I’m injured and feel like I’m losing contact with my cross country team, which, as a captain, is a problem–bigger than simple fact that I can’t run (which is frustrating, too–swimming laps disallows my mind the “just think” time it so desperately needs). Two of my classes frustrate be beyond expression. I stayed up way too late way too many times. And, to top it off, I had a mild existential crisis (caused by a number of factors, including but not limited to one certain significant birthday occurring today, the fact that this is indeed a year of major culmination in my life, the aforementioned problem caused by swimming instead of running, tomorrow’s tenth anniversary of 9/11, and one of those frustrating classes).
I wrote an extremely fatalistic essay, which basically culminated with “Man is evil. He can’t do anything about it. There is no hope for improvement. The best he can hope to do is to ‘do no harm’…and he can only do that poorly” I’m never very optimistic (aside: two of my favorite quotations are “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised” and “I don’t just see the glass as half empty, I see the glass as half empty and the water as teeming with microbes and the rim as smudged and the liquid as evaporating,” by George F. Will and A.J. Jacobs, respectively), but this was…a little more extreme than normal. Then, I watched The Help, based on the book of the same name by Katheryn Stockett (it’s a well-done movie, by the way), which, rather than increasing the last ounce faith I had left in mankind, hurled the straggling remains off the Niagara Falls of my mind. Whoops.
Thursday was terrible, but yesterday was better than most of the past couple weeks, and today was even better than that. So perhaps things are on an upward trend. I’m not sure how long this little worldview crisis is going to last, but perhaps, somehow, some sort of growth will arise from the ashes (is that an mite of optimism I see sneaking back into my life?).
Tomorrow I will (try to) put up a post (more coherent than this one…maybe) about 9/11. No promises, though.
P.S.: Thank you for being patient enough to read this post–what is essentially an extended complaint. Perhaps I should go hang out with Job for a day. Then I might stop kvetching.